Harry's take on
by darkpanda of angels
Summary: Harry explores the stupidity of wizard society in this drabble series. Includes TonksXHarry and LunaXHarry
1. Chapter 1

This is basically a drabble series on how stupid the wizarding world is at times. Harry will basically comment on everything that is wrong (which is actually me since I am the author...but moving on). Yes, and I will have the occasional LunaXHarry because that is my favorite pairing, and TonksXHarry as well.

_Harry's take on..._

_Houses_

"Potter, Harry!" Professor McGonagall said.

Harry stepped up to the stool and put the house on. _"Do you really have to sort me?" Harry sighed inside his head. _

_"Yes, but why don't you want to be sorted?" The hat said back._

_"Because the whole idea of houses is stupid. Everyone just judges you based on a house, not to mention, one house is cut off and shunned by everyone else. What did they think honestly would happen? Of course people would go dark if others wouldn't even give them a chance. Honestly, what is the point of arguing?" Harry said._

_"You remind me of Hufflepuff. She was always trying to get the other founders to get along. Plus she was scary. She was like a mother to everyone, and mothers can be downright scary when they want to be. She always helped Godric and Salazar see reason somehow, and that was amazing since Godric was a hot head and Salazar could hold a grudge for forever."_

_"Is Hufflepuff accepting?" Harry asked. _

_"Yes, the most accepting house there is. People undervalue it. If you want people to see reason, Hufflepuff is your best bet." The hat answered._

_"Isn't reason Ravenclaw's thing?" Harry asked. _

_"You would think so but most Ravenclaws seem to think they are better than everyone else with their knowledge. If you ask me, they are more exclusive than Slytherin. So, Hufflepuff it is, then?" Harry mentally nodded. _

"Hufflepuff!" The hat shouted.

Harry walked over to the Hufflepuff table, right next to a girl with bubblegum pink hair. "What a surprise! Welcome to Hufflepuff!" She cheerfully said. "Oh, and I am the Head Girl this year. My name is Nymphadora Tonks, but I like to go by Tonks. If you call me Nymphadora, I would have to kill you. Honestly, I don't know what my mother was thinking when she was naming me. Maybe she was high on pain killers." Harry laughed. "So, what sent you to Hufflepuff?"

"Honestly?" Harry asked. Tonks nodded. "I wanted the most accepting house. I don't see why the houses matter so much. What is the point of hating someone because of their house?"

"I know, right?" Tonks understood. He liked this girl. "My dad was in Ravenclaw and my mother was in Slytherin. Annoying people tried to get them to break up because my mother came from a dark family and was in Slytherin, but she was alright. Mostly it was because she was a Slytherin, and the rest of the school hates the house for some reason. Anyway, they didn't break up and I am here. It's so good to have a kindred soul!"

"I know; is it just me, or is the wizarding world illogical?" Harry asked.

"You don't know the start of it." Tonks grumbled. "Just look at the government."


	2. Chapter 2

_Harry's take on..._

_Quills_

Harry was sitting in Potions class trying to use a quill. Key word: trying. There was a reason the muggle world got away with these things long ago and invented things called ballpoint pins. Inventually, he gave up taking notes with a quill, since he could hardly read the notes he was taking, and took out a pen and a plain notebook.

"Mr. Potter, what are you doing?" Professor Snape asked.

"Writing notes down with a pen sir." Harry replied.

"Why?" Professor Snape asked.

"Because I can hardly read my notes with my quill. Do you want to look at the difference sir?" Harry asked as he handed over his notebook and parchment. "So sir, can I use pen on my essays?"

"Be welcome to. Even use notebook paper if it makes all of you dunderheads have proper handwriting. It is a lot eaiser on the eyes and the notebook paper weighs less than parchment." Professor Snape said. "One page on notebook paper is equal to one foot. Please write in the style most comfortable to you. Mr. Potter?"

"Yes sir?" Harry asked.

"Five points to Hufflepuff for saving me trouble all year." Professor Snape said. Everyone was shocked; Snape never gave out points to anyone but Slytherin. Then the muggle borns thought how horrible it would be to grade beginning quill writer's papers. You probably could hardly read them. Meanwhile, the majority of the halfbloods and all the purebloods didn't get it until they saw the difference between parchment and the notebook. Then they supported Snape's policy.

"You should have been in Ravenclaw." Terry Boot said.


	3. Chapter 3

_Harry's take on..._

_Floo Calls and Hyporitical Non-blood purists_

"So you can make calls through your fireplace?" Harry asked.

"Yes, that's right." Susan Bones proudly stated.

"So, do they have loud rings heard throughout the house?" Harry asked.

"Err, no." Susan answered.

"Do they have different rings for different people?" Harry asked.

"No." Susan answered.

"Can you tell who is speaking?" Harry asked.

"Yes, you can see their face." Susan said.

"Do you have answering machines for floo calls?" Harry asked.

"What is an answering machine?" Susan asked.

"It's when you miss a call and a person can leave a message." Harry answered.

"That would be useful, but we don't have those for floo calls." Susan said.

"So, can you take mini-fireplaces wherever to make calls from anywhere in the world at any time?" Harry asked.

"No. You can only use your fireplace at home." Susan answered.

"Then why not use muggle phones? They can record messages, muggles have cell phones that can be used anywhere in the world, and we have mulitple phones in mulitple rooms so we can pick up the phone at any time. Why won't the wizarding world use muggle technology if it is better?" Harry asked.

Tonks butted in. "Because wizards think they are better than everyone else, and they can't lower themselves to muggle technology. Plus, our society is mostly run by arrogant purebloods."

"How do you know all this?" Susan asked. "I only get basics of law from my Aunt."

"My mother's maiden name was Black." Susan began inching away from Tonks. "When she married my dad, she was disowned. The Blacks have serious power along with other pureblood families that have the same values. Nothing for muggle technology can get passed."

"Why are you going away from Tonks?" Harry asked.

"Because she is related to the Blacks." Susan said.

"So, what is the matter with the Blacks?" Harry asked.

"They are a very dark family full of death eaters. Bellatrix LeStrange nee' Black, Sirius Black, and Regulus Black were all death eaters. Narcrissa Malfoy nee' Black married an alleged death eater that got cleared." Susan explained. "See, bad family."

"I though you didn't judge based on blood?" Harry asked.

"Of course I don't; muggleborns are the same as purebloods. It doesn't matter who their parents are." Susan defended.

"Isn't it the same thing to judge Tonks based on her family? You are saying she is automatically a bad person because her family was full of pureblood fanatics. Isn't that the same thing as calling someone a mudblood because of their muggle parents?" Harry asked.

"I never saw it that way." Susan said. "Sorry Tonks. I mean, you even aren't on the Black family tree because your mother is disowned and I still overreacted."

"No problem. It happens to me a lot, but I got used to it. Thanks Harry, you're my hero!" Tonks then placed a kiss on his cheek.

Harry blushed. "Don't do that again."

"You don't like it? I'm hurt." Tonks pouted.


	4. Chapter 4

Keep in mind this is a drabble series. None of the chapters will be that long. I also really don't have a plan at all for this drabble series other than a spin-off involving the main characters in this story. It will also jump years and not follow a set timeline. For example, I am skipping ahead to Harry's second year for this chapter. Also, this story may border on crack. You have been warned. _Tom Riddle. **Harry Potter**_

_Harry's take on..._

_Tom Riddle_

Harry opened a blank diary and stared at an empty page. Well...this was diappointing. Oh well, it was a nice notebook at least, so he started writing his potion assignment on it with a ballpoint pen. Then, the words were absobed into the page, and scralling letters were on the bottom of the page.

_Why are you writing Potion notes in my diary? I do not care for potions, therefore I do not take it. Please, do not torture me so._

**_Didn't know the diary wrote back. Hey, is this really fifty years old?_**

_Yes, it is. _

_**You know about the Chamber of Secrets**?_

_I can show you what happened that night_. (Yes, we all know he blamed Hagrid...moving on).

**_Riddle...giant spiders can't petrify people. Besides, not to sound rude or anything, but I don't think Hagrid has a drop of Slytherin blood in him. Now, there was something I noticed about your behavior. _**

_So I got it wrong. They were going to shut down the school, my home_**_._ **

**_Yeah, some idiot is trying again. I will scream if this school gets shut down. Now, I think you opened the Chamber of Secrets. You just have that air about it. Why did you do it?_**

_You are asking why? I thought it would be obvious. I want to get rit of people with lesser blood._

**_No, I don't think that is the reason, because you are in fact of lesser blood. I think you get some sort of sick high off the Slytherins hanging off your every word, and it makes you feel better about yourself. You feel you need to prove something, and setting Slytherin's monster on the entire school is the way to do it. So, how was your childhood like?_**

_You are asking about my childhood? What does that have to do with it? You heard I grew up in an orphanage. You figure it out._

**_Touchy, Touchy. The reason I ask is that childhood problems often lead to problems later on in life. If you felt inferior and different at the ophanage, you wanted to feel the complete opposite at a new place. You wanted to be on top, no matter what happened. If you were in control, no one could attack you or hurt you. I have to say there are better ways to get over your childhood than killing a student. Why don't you try setting off dungbombs in the hallway?_**

_Damm...you actually got it. What? Are you training to be a mind healer?_

**_Don't insult me with wizard healing methods of the mind! They are so backword...I want to be a psychologist! The muggles have a way better understanding of the human mind. Wizards and witches are back in the dark ages. So, what are you doing in a diary anyway?_**

_Well, I can't get out unless someone gives their entire life force to me._

**_Have you ever heard of large groups? All of us Hufflepuffs..._**

_You are a hufflepuff?_

**_Yeah, don't see why people think less of us. I mean, we are only second to Ravenclaw in good grades, and we are second to Gryffindor in most sports. Anyway, you steal a little from each person (that way they can get their magic back and not die) and you get out of the diary. You only killed one person, I bet she was by accident. You deserve a second chance. _**

So Harry put his plan into action. A new pair of contacts and a box of hair dye later, Tom Alexander was born. The next year (Harry's third year), Tom Alexander entered as a sixth year and was placed in Hufflepuff because he wanted to keep an eye on Harry. He was interesting in Tom's opinion.


	5. Chapter 5

_Harry's take on..._

_Broomsticks_

"No way I am getting on a stick!" Harry backed away from the broomstick. "There is no way that is stable."

"Mr. Potter, flying is traditional in the Wizarding World and it is a required subject (A.N well changing this up). Besides, don't muggles also fly?" Madame Hooch asked.

"Yes, but muggles have this thing called aerodynamics and they understand air resistance. They also have motors to power the airplanes, which by the way, can hold more than a broom ever could. I am just staying that mathematically, it would not be a good idea. There are no wings. What if the magic gives out? How would I glide to the ground? How are these things powered anyway?" Harry asked.

"By magic of course." Madame Hooch answered.

"But how does magic make these things fly? Does it wear out like in transfiguration? Do brooms have to be replaced or kept up so we won't have accidents? Are these brooms safety tested so we won't fall to our death?" Harry asked.

"I do not exactly know Mr. Potter of how brooms fly." Madame Hooch said.

Then Justin called out, "Even muggleborns at least know the basics of airplane flight! We learn it in Primary School. Besides, Harry does make a point. Are these brooms safety tested?"

"The broom industry is not regulated in any way, shape, or form." Madame Hooch answered.

"You mean, you have a whole Game and Sports department that doesn't even test the safety of brooms? What's the point?" Harry asked. "I'm leaving." All the muggleborn kids followed him.

"Could have had such great potential too. His dad was a great flyer." Madame Hooch sighed.


	6. Chapter 6

Well, if you clicked on this story and hoped that wizarding culture would be revered, click the back button. I honestly do love Harry Potter, but most of the problems can be solved by basic logic. This story is just pointing out those flaws.

Also, if you are a Herimone fan, please skip this chapter. I have made it my mission to counteract all the Ron bashing with Mione bashing so the playing field is even. Sorry in advance.

_Harry's take on..._

_Herimone in the bathroom_

"I've heard that Granger has been in that bathroom all afternoon crying." Hannah remarked.

"I tried talking to her, but she wouldn't listen to me." Susan said.

"How did this all start anyway?" Harry asked.

Susan answered, "Ron said she didn't have any friends, so she ran off crying."

"Um, would the girl grow a backbone?" Harry said.

"Harry!" Both Susan and Hannah said at the same time.

"What? Its true. I mean, one remark and she is crying all afternoon? Girls like her don't make it in the real world. The real world is a nasty place, and criers just get shut out of jobs, no matter how smart they might be. Besides, you offered your help, and she refused. Isn't that rude to you, Susan?" Harry asked. "Why did she refuse your help anyway?"

"She said Hufflepuffs like me would be of no help because we can do nothing." Susan answered.

"She doesn't deserve your help Susan." Tonks chimed in. "Part of being a good Hufflepuff is knowing which battles we can win."

"In other words, don't help out the bastards." Harry said.

"Where did you learn such language? You have a awful dirty mouth for someone so young." Tonks said with distain.

"I just hang around the older kids so much that I just happened to pick up on their language." Harry replied.

"Don't blame this on me, mister. Don't think I don't know what you are saying." Tonks said sternly.


	7. Chapter 7

I am now writing about ideas from my reviewers. The last one on brooms I actually did get from a reviewer.

On a more somber note, I pray for the people in Haiti.

_Harry's take on..._

_The House Points System_

"Hey Tonks, what is the point of the points system? I mean, the founders had to put in place for some reason." Harry asked.

"Um, I don't know why the points system is in the school, but I know for sure that the founders didn't come up with it. It came along later." Tonks answered.

"Well, I guess it is good news that the founders weren't stupid enough to put a system in just to break apart the entire school." Harry smiled.

"You better explain kid. I can't tell what is going on in your head just by looking at you." Tonks said.

Harry laughed. Tonks was always blunt. "Competition leads to trouble, am I right?" Tonks nodded. "Many times in a competition, people want to win at all costs. They don't care if they have to cheat or preform acts of sabotage just to get the main prize."

"So that is why we never win. Hufflepuff is all about fair game. We never cheat, and we would never sabotage people." Tonks's eyes widened. "All the acts of school violence are now explained. No wonder Gryffindor and Slytherin hate each other so much. Those houses are always the finalists in the house cup."

"Not only that, but the house that wins can brag about their victory until the next year. It makes for a very arrogant school body. I hope we don't win the school cup. I can't see Hufflepuff being as arrogant as the Slytherins are right now or even the Gryffindors, who are the last winners." Harry sighed. "Plus how they award points is totally wrong."

"Keep going." Tonks said. "I want to see what the wise eleven year old has to say."

"Ever notice how correct answers in class only get like two points max? On the other side of the story, if some brave soul goes and saves someone, they get like fifty points? Is it just me, or is the house point system promoting stupidity?" Harry asked. "People also get loads of points for reporting on someone out late, but to catch the other person, you have to be out late yourself. Doesn't that defeat the point? Besides, shouldn't this be the teachers problem, not ours? Plus I've noticed one other thing that I think you can relate to."

"That the other teachers don't give Slytherins as much points. My Mum told me about this. Most teachers hold over their own bias to when they teach. Since most Slytherins are not interested in teaching, the Slytherins don't have much of a voice. I think the only teachers on the Slytherins side are Professor Sprout, Professor Snape, and Professor McGonagall." Tonks explained. "Even the Headmaster has a bias. He lets the lions go off easy and he doesn't realize it."

"No wonder the Slytherins don't like him that much." Harry commented.


	8. Chapter 8

"Run That by Me Again?" is one of my favorite stories (that I read after I wrote this one...sorry author if I stole your idea. It won't have any HarryXGinny in this story).

The reviewer that told me about Slytherin kinda proved my point...I think about 30-40 percent of death eaters came from Slytherin. Most Slytherins would see the death eaters having no chance against the current governement, and probably want to say out of it.

This is set in Lupin's defense class after the boggarts.

_Harry's take on..._

_Robes_

"Professor Lupin, can I ask something?" Harry sweetly said. Everyone else in the class knew that whenever Harry asked a question, it was one to poke fun at the world they lived in. Sadly, Professor Lupin didn't know this fact because he was a new teacher. "Aren't robes a hazard for wizards?"

"What do you mean by that Mr. Potter?" Professor Lupin was taken aback.

"Don't you think that they could easily be caught in battle situations? Just how many aurors have died in the line of fire because their robe got caught on a branch? Not to mention, robes can easily be caught on fire. Really...all we need is gasoline and a lighter in reguards to all these dark wizards out there." Harry answered. Like usual, he made a valid point. Like usual, he wasn't done. "Not to mention the robes are hot in the summer. Luckily, I wear normal clothes over the summer, but how do wizards that wear robes all the time not collasp from heat stroke?"

"Mr. Potter...though the auror robes are close fitting, some do die from the conditions you descibed. To answer the question of wizards not getting heat strokes in the summer because of their robes is that purebloods that traditionally wear these robes don't go out in the summer. They stay in the house most of the time." Professor Lupin answered.

"That explains why Malfoy looks like a stick that could break at any moment...and can't do well in Herbology if his life depended on it." Harry said. "Not to mention that these robes do nothing to make me appeal to the ladies..." Professor Lupin obviously thought this was unappropiate to mention in a classroom setting.

"Yeah...I can't get a boyfriend!" Susan moaned. "Where are these muggle clothes?"

"If you provide your house to stay at, I can show you the best muggle shops. Anyone else want to go?" Harry asked. By the end of the day, fifty pureblood girls signed up to go. His housemates reguarded him as a god amongst women.

Meanwhile, in the defense office, Professor Lupin groaned. "Not another Sirius...please no."


	9. Chapter 9

Again, please don't read crack if you want an actual plot. Drabbles should tip you off. Besides, what little plot that is here is totally against revering wizarding culture (not that I don't admire some aspects...but that doesn't belong in this story).

People complain I made Harry too cruel in dealing with Herimone. I actually toned Harry down quite a lot. You shouldn't cry all day past the age of seven. If Hermione was with me in sixth grade, her attitude would get her jumped (someone would beat her up) within the first week. Besides, crying over one stupid insult, that in my opinion, wasn't even that bad, is moronic. If you must, cry for a few minutes then pick yourself up and actually do something about it. Then again, my middle school wasn't the best of places...gang violence was very high, it has prison doors, and someone got arrested everyday. I think Hogwarts would be similar...imagine giving every teenager a knife and actually giving them classes and books on how to use it. Violence would defintely go up.

Quills...I think wizards were just too lazy to apply anti-cheating charms to regular pins. They could if they wanted to...it's a pureblood conspiracy!

However, cooling charms were a valid point, but I just don't see how children below Hogwarts age would apply them. Technology was sorta of a valid point. Even the author of this series messes up the technology timeline, so I can have some leeway here. However, consider this story to be around 2010.

_Harry's Take On..._

_Luna Lovegood and the Quibbler_

Harry arrived a little early to the train because he lied to that strange house elf. He didn't know what crazyness would happen if that house elf tried to "help" him again.

However, if he didn't arrive early, he wouldn't have noticed an odd little first year all by herself on the train. "Do you have anyone to sit with?"

"I know you." Susan exclaimed. Harry basically was with the Bones the entire summer, so they offered to take him to the train station. "You are Luna Lovegood, correct?"

"Many people have heard of my craziness." Luna answered.

"Lovegood, like daughter of the editor of the Quibbler?" Harry asked, amazed. "I am such a fan! It is the only wizarding paper I ever read. Oh, I don't think you are crazy at all. The Lovegoods are just pretending, aren't they?"

"What do you mean by that, Harry?" Susan asked.

"The Ministry of Magic will shut down and punish anyone that dissents with their agenda. The Quibbler they think is rubbish, but really, it is written in a secret code only those who want a different opinion will figure out. It conveys that Fudge is very anti-goblin, there are dark wizards in the auror department, and Sirius Black is innocent." Harry explained.

"That is obvious once you think about it." Susan said. "So are you sitting with us?"

"Sure...but something is bothering me. How do they sort you exactly?" Luna asked.

"Just ask for Hufflepuff, and you'll have friends." Harry said.

"We're very accepting, and we make everyone feel like one big happy family." Susan smiled.

"We're friends?" Luna asked in astonishment.

"Yeah...we are talking to one another. Besides, upperclassmen have to adopt a new student. Its practically a rule." Harry grinned.


End file.
